The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Way I Feel

Put flowers on my father's grave today. Didn't feel...much, actually. I felt more when he was dying, or slowly killing himself, then when he died on May 3, 2008. That was a...disconcerting...spring. My father's death was the worst of it, for sure, but I had lost him long before then.... Sat in my mother's backyard yesterday, in rural upstate New York, expecting some peace and quiet, but thinking how noisy it was: honking geese, twittering birds, motorcycles, wind in the trees, thunder in the distance. Felt small, but calm and connected, too.... Sleeping in my childhood bedroom again tonight. As usual, I'm sure I'll feel time warped....