You just did not want to make Shakespeare angry. He had plenty of poetic ways to insult someone. Call someone a "dizzy-eyed dewberry" today. I dare you!
"Just because you're pronoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to help you." ("Pronoid" means the opposite of "paranoid".)
Haven't you always wanted a word for "a state of torment created by the sudden sight of one’s own misery"? It's "litost".
Forsooth, you may think this list a fandangle, but I find it goodly: