My poet name is Lucius Cornelius Swanswaddle, according to the poet name generator. (If I was a "lady poet," it would be Forsythia Swanswaddle.)
You can just call me Luc, though....
Monday, November 30, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Word of the Day: ostrobogulous
ostrobogulous (adj)
Something weird, bizarre, unusual or pornographic.
"Kristin Baybars, who started her career in the toy department at Heal's, made her first toy, the famous Humpty Dumpty. This is now being made by Minnie King. Now Kristin Baybars' ostrobogulous toys - the even more famous owl, the bird, the hedgehog and the goose...have established her as our leading creative toy designer."
--Corin Hughes-Stanton, Design Journal, "A Shop with High Standards"
I'm going to try to use this word at Thanksgiving dinner today. There's a certain cassarole dish my mom makes that may provide the opportunity.
Something weird, bizarre, unusual or pornographic.
"Kristin Baybars, who started her career in the toy department at Heal's, made her first toy, the famous Humpty Dumpty. This is now being made by Minnie King. Now Kristin Baybars' ostrobogulous toys - the even more famous owl, the bird, the hedgehog and the goose...have established her as our leading creative toy designer."
--Corin Hughes-Stanton, Design Journal, "A Shop with High Standards"
I'm going to try to use this word at Thanksgiving dinner today. There's a certain cassarole dish my mom makes that may provide the opportunity.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Way I Feel
I've been working seven days a week lately, between "regular" and freelance toiling. Feel like I've been working eight days a week.... Saw Forbidden Planet at the Landmark Loew's Jersey Theatre last weekend. Feel like I want a friendly walking, talking juke-box robot like the one in the film.... Wandering around a gigantic "dollar store" (also called a 99 Cent store, though these emporiums don't seem to sell much at that price anymore), I felt like I was dreaming. Aisle after aisle of shiny junk. Someone asked me if I wanted to buy a nylon doo-rag.... Listening to my iTouch on the train, I looked up and caught my reflection in the window, headphones clamped to my noggin. Felt like some weird alien....
Sunday, November 22, 2009
The T&T List
Randy Jackson
cevapcici
Forbidden Planet
Etiqa Takaful
pan handlers
The Tempest
wonder organ
Tylenol
hoaxing
Coffee Cave
The Volt
Homo Erectus
cevapcici
Forbidden Planet
Etiqa Takaful
pan handlers
The Tempest
wonder organ
Tylenol
hoaxing
Coffee Cave
The Volt
Homo Erectus
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Downright Unfriendly
The New Oxford American Dictionary has declared that its "Word of the Year" is...(drumroll)...Unfriend.
The dictionary also considered "hashtag," "funemployed," "birther," "death panel," teabagger," and "tramp stamp", but decided that "unfriend" had both "currency" and "potential longevity", as well as -- wait for it -- "lex appeal".
Interesting that both "friend" and "unfriend" have become verbs in the Facebook era. I myself have been "friended" more than 100 times on Facebook, and only "unfriended" once -- maybe. My friend count went down by one recently, though that could be because someone dropped out of Facebook altogether or got banned for some utterly arbitrary reason, as I was at one time. I haven't figured out who it is.
There are a few more people I can think of that I'd like to be "friended" by, or "friend", but alas, they are not on Facebook.
Are they.
The dictionary also considered "hashtag," "funemployed," "birther," "death panel," teabagger," and "tramp stamp", but decided that "unfriend" had both "currency" and "potential longevity", as well as -- wait for it -- "lex appeal".
Interesting that both "friend" and "unfriend" have become verbs in the Facebook era. I myself have been "friended" more than 100 times on Facebook, and only "unfriended" once -- maybe. My friend count went down by one recently, though that could be because someone dropped out of Facebook altogether or got banned for some utterly arbitrary reason, as I was at one time. I haven't figured out who it is.
There are a few more people I can think of that I'd like to be "friended" by, or "friend", but alas, they are not on Facebook.
Are they.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Word of the Day: spoony
spoony (adj)
Foolish, silly, ridiculously sentimental, lovesick.
"I even walk, on two or three occasions, in a sickly, spoony manner, round and round the house after the family are gone to bed, wondering which is the eldest Miss Larkins's chamber."
--Charles Dickens, David Copperfield
I often find myself walking around the house late at night, with the lights off, carrying a flashlight, making sure the doors are locked. Not spoony, just loony.
Foolish, silly, ridiculously sentimental, lovesick.
"I even walk, on two or three occasions, in a sickly, spoony manner, round and round the house after the family are gone to bed, wondering which is the eldest Miss Larkins's chamber."
--Charles Dickens, David Copperfield
I often find myself walking around the house late at night, with the lights off, carrying a flashlight, making sure the doors are locked. Not spoony, just loony.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Quote of the Day
Why did the writer cross the road?
"Because on that dark and fateful night, a night filled with tempestuous moaning winds of gloom and despair, where the siren scream of direst proportions would be muted by the fiendish howl forced past earths vocal cords of echoing canyons and weird eyries (for it is in Zion National Park that our story takes place), the writer, dread-laden, weary, piteous, forlorn, did with eyes weighted from murky memories and days fraught with hideous care look out across the fell expanse of blackened tarmac and intoned dolorously, 'Mickey D's? Is that ALL there is that's open at this hour? Fuck!' "
--edward george earle gekko-lytton, lizard
"Because on that dark and fateful night, a night filled with tempestuous moaning winds of gloom and despair, where the siren scream of direst proportions would be muted by the fiendish howl forced past earths vocal cords of echoing canyons and weird eyries (for it is in Zion National Park that our story takes place), the writer, dread-laden, weary, piteous, forlorn, did with eyes weighted from murky memories and days fraught with hideous care look out across the fell expanse of blackened tarmac and intoned dolorously, 'Mickey D's? Is that ALL there is that's open at this hour? Fuck!' "
--edward george earle gekko-lytton, lizard
Monday, November 16, 2009
Meditation on the Letter M
My makeover mediates many magnificent metaphors. Maybe Mondays mean melancholy messes move mountains? Mulling monkeys make motormouths mutate; moreover, molecules mainly match molehills. Marshmallow men mock magnetic mentors, mentally, mmm? Mud mansions matriculate madness, mating mutual Moravians. March melodies mutilate murderers, my muchachos. Meanwhile, manikins mope; mensches manipulate microphones; magazines melt; most Munchkins masturbate maniacally -- Mama Mia!
Saturday, November 14, 2009
The Beatles Never Broke Up...
...in another dimension, if you can believe this website. I can't, really, but the mash-up "tape" of post-Beatles solo songs you can download there is worth a listen. If the Beatles had kept going in the direction of the Abbey Road side 2 suite, they might have come up with something quite similar to this, but better of course. Still, it's very well done and amusing, in its way. So is the story of how it was obtained.
(via The Presurfer)
(via The Presurfer)
Thursday, November 12, 2009
English: The World Tour
1. In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to
do such thing is please not to read notis.
2. In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret
that you will be unbearable.
3. In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
4. In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should
enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor.
Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
5. In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
6. In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of
9 and 11 A.M. daily.
7. In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the
chambermaid.
8. In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
9. In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots
of ascension.
10. On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
11. On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings
in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten
up in the country people's fashion.
12. Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
13. Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.
14. In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute
customers in strict rotation.
15. Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic
painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
16. A sign posted in Germany's Black forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people
of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one
tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
17. In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex
in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this
purpose.
18. In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good
time.
19. In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today -- no ice cream.
20. In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
21. In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
22. On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
23. In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
24. In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give
it to the guard on duty.
25. In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
26. In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
27. From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air
conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room,
please control yourself.
28. From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him
melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then
tootle him with vigor.
29. Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well talking.
- Here speeching American.
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to
do such thing is please not to read notis.
2. In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret
that you will be unbearable.
3. In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
4. In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should
enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor.
Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
5. In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
6. In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of
9 and 11 A.M. daily.
7. In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the
chambermaid.
8. In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
9. In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots
of ascension.
10. On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
11. On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings
in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten
up in the country people's fashion.
12. Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
13. Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.
14. In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute
customers in strict rotation.
15. Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic
painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
16. A sign posted in Germany's Black forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people
of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one
tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
17. In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex
in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this
purpose.
18. In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good
time.
19. In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today -- no ice cream.
20. In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
21. In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
22. On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
23. In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
24. In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give
it to the guard on duty.
25. In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
26. In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
27. From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air
conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room,
please control yourself.
28. From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him
melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then
tootle him with vigor.
29. Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well talking.
- Here speeching American.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Former English Major Blows Off Steam
Sometimes, I just feel like hurling Shakespearean insults:
Thou crusty botch of nature!
Thou fawning flap-mouthed clack-dish!
Thou beslubbering lily-livered joithead!
Thou puny beetle-headed dewberry!
Thou dankish weather-bitten malt-worm!
Thou goatish pottle-deep miscreant!
Thou bootless half-faced gudgeon!
Thou gleeking boil-brained popinjay!
Thou yeasty tickle-brained foot-licker!
Thou dankish motley-minded strumpet!
Your virginity breeds mites, much like a cheese.
Thou qualling base-court horn-beast!
Thou tottering spur-galled lout!
Thou infectious half-faced haggard!
Thou odiferous doghearted pignut!
Thou crusty botch of nature!
Thou fawning flap-mouthed clack-dish!
Thou beslubbering lily-livered joithead!
Thou puny beetle-headed dewberry!
Thou dankish weather-bitten malt-worm!
Thou goatish pottle-deep miscreant!
Thou bootless half-faced gudgeon!
Thou gleeking boil-brained popinjay!
Thou yeasty tickle-brained foot-licker!
Thou dankish motley-minded strumpet!
Your virginity breeds mites, much like a cheese.
Thou qualling base-court horn-beast!
Thou tottering spur-galled lout!
Thou infectious half-faced haggard!
Thou odiferous doghearted pignut!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
"Esoteric Meaning Pig"
My favorite search-engine phrases that brought people to this site today:
alien impregnation scenes
Watching someone get knocked up in a flying saucer? So cheesy. The real space porn is here.
how to distract an idiot for 40 seconds
Why for just 40 seconds? I wonder what this person wants to do while the idiot is distracted. These aren't the droids you're looking for....
esoteric meaning pig
I suppose this person is looking for an esoteric word that means "pig" ("shoat"?). But I prefer to think that this refers to a brainy pig devoted to esoteric meanings. "The epistemology of linguistic transparency asks to be read as the discourse of process, oink, oink, oink."
alien impregnation scenes
Watching someone get knocked up in a flying saucer? So cheesy. The real space porn is here.
how to distract an idiot for 40 seconds
Why for just 40 seconds? I wonder what this person wants to do while the idiot is distracted. These aren't the droids you're looking for....
esoteric meaning pig
I suppose this person is looking for an esoteric word that means "pig" ("shoat"?). But I prefer to think that this refers to a brainy pig devoted to esoteric meanings. "The epistemology of linguistic transparency asks to be read as the discourse of process, oink, oink, oink."
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