Monday, October 29, 2007

Simile Generator

Knowledge is like a jet airplane

Affection is like a chocolate-chip cookie.
Joy is like a crayon.
Revenge is like a cage.
Ignorance is like a vacuum cleaner.

They don't make sense...or do they? Decide for yourself as you create more of these cockeyed, perhaps poetic statements with The Simile of the Day Generator.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Quote of the Day

Quote of the Day

"The humiliating spectacle of this quivering party, returned to power with the express mandate of stopping this sadistic madman and instead contemptibly giving him whatever he wants, as if he wasn't the most despised man in America, is beyond nauseating. 'Poor us, we don't have the votes to stop the war.' What sickening crap! fact they can stop the war any Goddamn time they want, and what they're really saying is, 'We don't have the balls to stop the war. We stink of fear for our jobs and nothing is more important to us than that, certainly not mere trifles like the lives of our citizens, or the Constitution.'"
--Paul Slansky

New Jersey State Song

"I'm from New Jersey"

Well, I guess I have to admit it at this point, though I was born and raised in upstate New York.

Last night, at the Art House, Melissa Surach sang a hilariously satirical version of New Jersey's already hilarious official state song, whose lyrics are:

I know of a state that's a perfect playland with white sandy beaches by the sea;
With fun-filled mountains, lakes and parks, and folks with hospitality;
With historic towns where battles were fought, and presidents have made their home;
It's called New Jersey, and I toast and tout it wherever I may roam. 'Cause . . .

I'M FROM NEW JERSEY and I'm proud about it, I love the Garden State.
I'M FROM NEW JERSEY and I want to shout it, I think it's simply great.
All of the other states throughout the nation may mean a lot to some;
But I wouldn't want another, Jersey is like no other, I'm glad that's where I'm from.

If you want glamour, try Atlantic City or Wildwood by the sea;
Then there is Trenton, Princeton, and Fort Monmouth, they all made history.
Each little town has got that certain something, from High Point to Cape May;
And some place like Mantoloking, Phillipsburg, or Hoboken will steal your heart away.

Mantoloking? Well, I don't know if Jersey City has stolen my heart away, but it's home now.

More on music:

Monday, October 22, 2007

Word of the Day: mulct

Word of the Day

mulct (n or v)

1. A penalty or fine
2. To defraud

"The fact that major corporations don't have to pay their own way, and instead are able to enlist legislators to mulct common citizens -- and businesses with more modest Washington connections -- deforms the entire political system."
--Doug Bandow, "The Bipartisan Scandal of U.S. Corporate Welfare"

Speaking of being mulcted -- the reason so many images embedded in this page are not showing up is because Comcast, the expensive ISP where most of my images are hosted, is having major technical problems that have been going on for OVER A WEEK now. They "upgraded" their service, and now most of their customers can't get to their web pages or host their images. We were assured in an e-mail that any outage associated with the upgrade would last for no more than "two minutes" per customer.

Update (10/24/07): I've now updated the relevant links on this page using the new file addressing Comcast has imposed, which I discovered by trial and error -- there was no notification from them.

Monday, October 15, 2007

The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Way I Feel

The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Way I Feel

Sometimes if you stare at the headlines long enough, they start to seem like surreal poetry. "Rice: Now Is Time for Palestinian State": I will think of Palestine next time I'm eating rice. "Deals in O.J. Case Could Cut Both Ways": O.J. and the word "cut" in the same headline conjures scary images. "Dinosaur Skeleton Unearthed in Argentina": So many odd things end up in Argentina -- Nazis, dinosaurs, Blue Meanies: "It's no longer a blue world, Max. Where can we go? [Max:] Argentina?" (Does anyone other than a headline writer ever use the word "unearthed"?) "Led Zeppelin Is Going Digital Next Month": a heavy dirigible will be pointing fingers in November.... Today I paid my commuter-van fare with a $20 bill and received a fat wad of cash in change. It made me feel richer, somehow.... Antiques Roadshow was on PBS tonight. I always think it's more interesting when the painting or the jewelry or whatever turns out to be a contemporary fake or worthless for some other reason. Tonight the "emerald" in an old ring turned out to be green glass. So grandma was either very gullible or putting you on.... Why don't I...contemplate where the expression "hell bent" could have come from? How do you bend Hell?

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Bad Apple + ants

Bad Apple

We have an ancient apple tree in our backyard that sheds macintoshes like crazy. Only about 5 percent of them are edible. The ones that fall on the ground are nibbled by squirrels and feasted on by ants.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

John Lennon Quotes

Quote of the Day

"Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives. I think we're being run by maniacs for maniacal ends and I think I'm liable to be put away as insane for expressing that. That's what's insane about it."
--John Lennon (whose birthday is today)

Monday, October 08, 2007

Amzanig huh?

Amzanig huh?

"I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the human mnid aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a word are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe."

Fnid mroe amanizg fcats hrer.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Word of the Day: resile

Word of the Day

resile (v)

to bounce or spring back, to draw back, to recoil

"Now who made the finger resile from the fire? Surely you did not, for you were totally absorbed in your thoughts and you had not been conscious of the position of your own hand. It was the inner mind which made the finger resile from the fire."
--Dr. Narayan Dutt Shrimali, Practical Hypnotism

The inner mind is like an autopilot, I suppose. It's the part of your mind that can, for example, continue to drive a car while your conscious thoughts are 4.3 light years away from the road.