Effervescent Kleptomania (microfiction)

Composer Elias Auchenshuggle was hard at work on "Tangier Bongo", his latest commercial jingle, intended to make snackers hanker after some kind of "psychopathic" (he thought) pre-packaged fondue. The balky synthesizer was giving him trouble, though, as it occasionally spit out random wheezes and burps, like a drunken calliope. Finally, however, the soaring crescendo he was after emerged with kingliest intensification. "Ahh", he whispered. "All I need now is a sample from some old disco diva's middle eight." After much consideration and fiddling with his M-Audio Torq MixLab Digital DJ System, it turned out to be a bouncy quote from "Get Dancin'," by Disco Tex and the Sex-O-Lettes. Elias spliced it in, proud of his effervescent kleptomania, which latterly helped to increase fondue sales by 500 percent -- pleasing his corporate overlords no end.

[not to be continued]

Wandering Word Thoughts: "Oh, you knuckylbonyard!"

"Then my leg fell asleep, so I made ambitious circles with my feet, like a nervous orangutan, to cure my obdormition." (TWITO, page 99) It's a fancy way of saying one of your limbs fell asleep.

Why call someone a knucklehead when you can call him a "knuckylbonyard"? Means the same thing, but you'll get eloquence points.

Here's a conversation starter: Try telling someone they're a "snoutfair" today, and see how that goes. It refers to someone's charming and handsome appearance, with a hint of the devilish.

"floccinaucinihilipilification" (TWITO, page 55) is one of the longest (non-scientific) words in the dictionary. Say it 10 times fast! It means the judgement of something as worthless -- a real nothing -- like, for example, a penny. Almost.