The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Way I Feel

The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Way I Feel

Sometimes if you stare at the headlines long enough, they start to seem like surreal poetry. "Rice: Now Is Time for Palestinian State": I will think of Palestine next time I'm eating rice. "Deals in O.J. Case Could Cut Both Ways": O.J. and the word "cut" in the same headline conjures scary images. "Dinosaur Skeleton Unearthed in Argentina": So many odd things end up in Argentina -- Nazis, dinosaurs, Blue Meanies: "It's no longer a blue world, Max. Where can we go? [Max:] Argentina?" (Does anyone other than a headline writer ever use the word "unearthed"?) "Led Zeppelin Is Going Digital Next Month": a heavy dirigible will be pointing fingers in November.... Today I paid my commuter-van fare with a $20 bill and received a fat wad of cash in change. It made me feel richer, somehow.... Antiques Roadshow was on PBS tonight. I always think it's more interesting when the painting or the jewelry or whatever turns out to be a contemporary fake or worthless for some other reason. Tonight the "emerald" in an old ring turned out to be green glass. So grandma was either very gullible or putting you on.... Why don't I...contemplate where the expression "hell bent" could have come from? How do you bend Hell?