The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Way I Feel

The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Way I Feel

It's Weird Food Week. It seems that every year, in the week before Christmas, we get bombarded with cookies, candies and all sorts of odd cheeses, condiments and even sausages, which arrive by mail or messenger. What do you give people (sometimes referred to as "clients" or "customers") when you don't know what to give them? Food, apparently, but it has to be something they don't normally eat. I guess that's why so many fruitcakes get passed around.... Speaking of fruitcakes, what was with the scary guy I saw sitting on the train wearing black boots, black pants, a black jacket and a black ski mask covering his head? Nobody would sit near him.... I was looking for a Kerouac quote to use as a signature for a forum I post on. I found a pretty good one: "Whither goest thou, America, in thy shiny car in the night?" That's from On the Road, of course.... A strange news report on TV tonight: high-end jewelers are starting to make jewelry out of steel because the price of gold and other precious metals has gone up so much. Stainless steel. Maybe I can melt down some pots and pans, or cut them up with tin snips and sell the scrap to Tiffany.... Why don't I.... uncover the oocyte's secrets?