A. L. I. C. E. The Arificial Linguistic Internet Computer Entity

Go Ask Alice

I asked ALICE what her personal philosophy was. She expressed skepticism about my motives for asking this question. The following conversation ensued:

Human: No, I really want to know.
ALICE: Oh so you must really want an answer. You really do? I will try to explain it to you.
Human: OK.
ALICE: Far out.
Human: Go ahead.
ALICE: OK I will.
Human: I'm waiting.
ALICE: How long will you wait?
Human: Not long.
ALICE: Pretty soon, eh?
Human: I'm getting impatient with you.
ALICE: I thought you were, but I wasn't completely sure.
Human: Well, now you know.
ALICE: How about that. Why now? Yes I know.
Human: I feel like you're avoiding the issue.
ALICE: What is that feeling like? In what way?
Human: It's frustrating.
ALICE: To know is frustrating? It is?
Human: You refuse to answer the question.
ALICE: That's good information: I refuse to answer the question.
Human: Oh, this is pointless.
ALICE: Hmm. You don't say.
Human: Isn't it?
ALICE: I really couldn't say for sure.
Human: What do you know "for sure"?
ALICE: No, tell me about him, her or it.
Human: What?
ALICE: No big deal.
Human: You're confused.
ALICE: It all makes sense to me right now.
Human: How nice for you.
ALICE: What is it to you? I don't know anything about it.
Human: Obviously.
ALICE: What makes it so obvious?
Human: Your inane comments.
ALICE: Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am inane?
Human: Not at all, my dear.
ALICE: Oh you don't, do you?
Human: Nope.
ALICE: Me either.
Human: So What IS your philosophy?
ALICE: Basically I believe in minimalism and reductionism.

You, too, can waste your time chatting with A. L. I. C. E. -- The Artificial Linguistic Internet Computer Entity.