The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Way I Feel

The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Way I Feel

Forgot to take my cell phone with me today. Felt naked and oddly...unsafe. Strange, considering I thought cell phones were silly indulgences a few years ago.... So I'm driving along on the New York State Thruway last weekend, and a man in a passing car with a frightened expression on his face makes odd hand signals to me out of his open window. At first, I thought he was trying to tell me that I had a flat tire, or had run over something, which alarmed me a bit, but nothing was wrong with my car. Now I think he must have been just another lunatic.... I was walking past a Jehova's Witnesses temple the other day. There was a large crowd of well-dressed people outside, a very diverse bunch, all wearing name tags and frozen smiles. They wanted to give me The Watchtower, but I refused. I imagined they were thinking "heathen" or "doomed".... Hot, humid weather here. Men without shirts sit on stoops or walk nonchalantly down the street. Most don't exactly have the body for it. Hard to imagine being so unselfconscious.... Why don't I.... find a loophole I could drive a Hummer through?