Twitter Litter

So... why aren't you following me on Twitter?

You're missing out on my epigrammatic bird calls, such as:

Overheard at the 4th Street Art & Music Festival today: "Why aren't there more shootings at Target?"

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Overheard at the train station today: "But he can't be ass dialing you from a land line!"

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Someone sent me a compliment about my writing: "i like it plrease righted more!" Alas, it didn't make my day.

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Dream: I was walking all over the city at night trying to remember where I parked the car. But it was in the garage. Meaning?

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I am not making this up: There is a novel called "Apocalypse Cow" about an epidemic of zombie animals.

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The original name for August was Sextillus. Imagine all the bad jokes we'd have to endure if the Romans had kept that name.

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Bizarre day, and here's the topper: I'm now "friends" with a dog named Apricot Schnood Raphael.

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Google Calendar wants to know: Would I like to compile a guest list for my next dental check-up? I think not.

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About 95 degrees today. (33 C) "Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines..." (William Shakespeare)

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Best book title I saw today: "The Mormonization of America".

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"Empty the K-cup dispenser." I hear and obey.

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I changed my windshield wiper blades today. [insert applause track here]

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I frown upon the recent phenomenon I've observed in public restrooms of men who talk on the phone while peeing.

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