Climate Isn't Just About the Weather

Climate isn't just about the weather. We have a mental and emotional climate too, and the atmosphere changes. Now we seem, at times, to live in an alternate universe, a cracked mirror world (yeah, "through the lookinglass") where thinkable thoughts include "off with her [his] head", Isis abdicates as an Egyptian goddess, and a killcow's crazy neologisms ("covfefe"?) presage a rising, inchoate tempest. Have you read the news today? Oh, boy.

Talking to Ed about Trumpcare

Mr. Ed: Whoa, Wilburrr. You have a pre-existing condition?

Wilbur: Yes, I do.

Mr. Ed: I'm a bit surprised. What is it, Wilburrr?

Wilbur: Don't YOU know?

Mr. Ed: Neigh!

Wilbur: I'm talking to you aren't I? It's a mental health condition.

Mr. Ed: Can't you see a doctor about that, Wilburrrr? So you can be more...stable?

Wilbur: Not with Trumpcare. Not if the state gets a waiver to eliminate mental health coverage. I would have to pony up for it myself. I don't want to be saddled with that!

Mr. Ed: What a nightmare. But I'll be your shrink, Wilburrrr.

Wilbur: I guess you'll have to be, Ed.

TWITO News: Free Audiobook

Listen up, logophiles! Did you know that my book, The Word I'm Thinking Of, is also available as an audiobook, voiced by the talented Narrator Jack? It's available from Audible.com, and I have 25 complimentary copies to give away. Leave a Comment here, and I'll send you a code to use to download your free copy from Audible.

Much Ado about NOTHING

My Xmas Story

A small-town, teen-aged girl -- a religious fanatic -- becomes pregnant. (Possibly after being raped by a passing soldier -- that was the rumor, anyway.)

The townspeople are scandalized, and the traumatized girl and her boyfriend are advised to leave town.

They travel to another small town, and, short of money, are given shelter in a barn, where the baby is born.

The girl thinks, "There has to be a reason for all this!" and decides that God must have big plans for this kid.

And the rest is history, or anyway, His story.

~~~

Which story is more believable, this one or the jazzed-up one in the bible?

Tweet Mania

I find Twitter fairly useless, except as an outlet for random brain spasms, some of which, despite myself, are a bit entertaining. So below, for those of you who don't follow me on Twitter (and why the hell wouldn't you, Mr. Lurker?), I present my best-of collection. Free for the plucking. Tweet deal.

--Surreal life: I got lost in a maze of hay bales today -- in downtown Jersey City.
--"Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government."
--Zen proverb: "There is always something wrong with everything." Think about it.
--Windows 7 was not my idea.
--Anybody know if Parker Brothers is the ONLY company that makes the game Monopoly?
--Someday the sun will blow up. No one will remember.
--Queen B is selling our junk at a flea market. Good, good, good.
--You know what? Vacuuming sucks.
--Saw Avatar. It made a double life as a giant Smurf seem semi-attractive.
--Dentist tomorrow and doctor on Friday. Checkups. Love that waiting room stuff with the stale magazines and living-room-in-Hell ambiance.
--Sat by a woman on the train today who was wearing a (faux) leopard-skin pill-box hat. Wanted to ask if she was a Dylan fan....
--I do know your name. I just don't know it at this moment.
--Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
--Somebody brought us peanuts covered with sesame seeds from Greece. Good, though I prefer baklava.
--If I could hijack a Cadillac, I'd grab my backpack and a cracker snack and head for Hackensack to play blackjack.
--AIM via gmail frequently fails me....so it's Meebo to the rescue. But then I often end up IM'ing in stereo. Life is a roller coaster....
--I can't walk the dog or around the world. No yo yo!
--Free time is my new best friend.
--Word of the Day: clishmaclaver....drop that one into casual conversation, m'kay?
--Listening to the audiobook of Obama's "Dreams of My Father" autobiography. Long book -- after two hours, he's still in elementary school.
--The Big Bang. Horrendous Space Kablooie? Amazin' Cosmic Combust? Flabbergasting Universal Whamo? Wondrous Transcendental Burp?
--Saw "Taxi Driver" last night at the Loew's Jersey. Terrific film, but now I remember why I hate to take cabs.
--Next-door neighbor sits in front of his house all day in his electric wheelchair, sometimes cruising the block. We're under surveillance?
--Off we go to the home of Campbell Soup and a big aquarium....clam chowder for lunch?
--Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Fish.
--I'm writing something. Words are flowing out like a constant Arabica drip into a coffee cup
--Please do weep a little for the trees before you print my tweets out, okay?

Sorry to Disappoint

Below are search terms that recently brought seekers to this font of wisdom. Most of them probably went away disappointed. So sorry about that.

elanguescence

Lately, I get more hits on this than on any other single-word search term. It's an obscure term, mostly used in a philosophy context I gather, that means "The soul's gradual loss of its powers". Why so many people are googling this word, I have no idea. Lost souls or people practicing for spelling bees, I guess.

"Kirk Jones" reptile herpetology

No idea who Mr. Jones is. I must have mentioned him at some point in the last eight years. But it is not my custom to write about such things as "reptile herpetology". I don't know what that is... crocodiles with herpes?

Marylin monroe [sic] as a robot

If I had a walking, talking robot of the sci-fi sort, I wouldn't mind if it looked/sounded/acted like Marilyn Monroe. (Not sure the wyfe would approve.) I assume it is inevitable that Monroe will eventually be resurrected, either as a literal robot or as a realistic 3D digital simulacrum on the silver screen. But is it creepy to bring our dead stars back?

Is "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" a real word referring to Irish hookers?

This would be news to me, the Disney Company, and Mary Poppins. It is a real word (it's in some dictionaries), but I doubt it refers to such. Would not people who discuss "Irish hookers" be inclined to use more, uh, vulgar jargon to praise them?

fishing off the pier

This sounds like a euphemism for something. Someone who is "fishing off the pier" is, perhaps, "not playing with a full deck"? Or maybe temporarily playing for "the other team", so to speak?

w0wz3rz amanda

Valley girls come to my blog. Awesome!

Strange Days Indeed

More conversing with "Joey Pants" today, who said, "Sometimes I forget I have a brain."

~~~

Post facto, by invitation (that's new), I read the story linked below at "JC Opens Up the Mic 2010 Kickoff Event" this evening as a "featured performer" (one of 12).

("JC" is Jersey City, not Jesus Christ.)

Chicken of the Sea

I had to submit a bio for the program, and wanted to spice it with something a little weird. So I included the fact that I "once had a paying gig writing restaurant reviews for eateries [I] never visited." Which is true - and a long story, perhaps for another time.

~~~

Random: A deleted scene from a Twin Peaks script

Why do you exist?

Maybe because sub-atomic particles called neutral B-mesons, which oscillate trillions of times per second between being matter and antimatter, go faster from antimatter to matter than they do from matter to antimatter, which creates a little more matter than antimatter. Does it matter? It might have mattered enough to create our universe. So says Fermilab in a new report. Details

Happy Mothers Day

The thing I like most about this image is that it is from a laxative ad.

Here's something I never expected to see...

She must spend all day every day on Twitter if she follows over 278,000 people.

Link Mania

My friend Joe D. is a piece of lint! Here is his sad story.

~~~

Crocheting Adventures with Hyperbolic Planes by Dr. Daina Taimina
Afterthoughts of a Worm Hunter by David Crompton
Collectible Spoons of the Third Reich by James A. Yannes
Governing Lethal Behavior in Autonomous Robots by Ronald C. Arkin
The Changing World of Inflammatory Bowel Disease by Ellen Scherl and Marla Dubinsky
Baboon Metaphysics by Dorothy Cheney

These are real books, friends, and winners or runners-up in a contest for the "oddest titled book of the year" sponsored by TheBookseller.com. Note to self: write book. details

Pottery

I just figured out what a neti pot is. Yikes.

Speaking of pot....