Ring Thing

What if The Lord of the Rings had been written by someone else? Contributors to this site answer that question by mimicking everyone from Seuss to Shakespeare.

Here's a contribution by someone channeling J.D. Salinger's Holden Caulfield:

When Gandalf told me that Gollum used to be a hobbit, I just got so depressed all of a sudden. I really did. I mean, if he's supposed to be a hobbit, why can't he just BE one? People should just stay what they are and not go changing into goddamn slimy reptile creatures. To be honest, this whole ring thing was really making me depressed as hell. The quest was giving me a big pain in the ass. If anyone ever tries to give you an all powerful ring, don't take it, it will only make you more depressed, I swear to God.