Sorry to Disappoint

Below are recent search-engine terms that have brought people (I'm tempted to say "weirdos") to this benighted blahg. So sorry to disappoint these folks. I doubt they found what they were looking for, but I hope they found diversion anyway.

luminescent olfactory organ

I've heard of strange fetishes, but a glow-in-the-dark nose? Well, I suppose it might be useful to have one if it was bright enough. You wouldn't need a flashlight.... Oh, wait! You meant Rudolph?

Someone is chasing a dwarf

Why? So he/she can catch one and toss it? It's not a good idea to chase any kind of person who figures prominently and repeatedly in Grimm's fairy tales. Instant karma's going to get you. Bad instant karma.

ostrobogulous toys

Such a fancy word. You mean sex toys, Naughty. Why beat around the bush?

hypocorism mania

Crazy for pet names, are we? See the above.

a is for amy who fell down the stairs

B is for Basil assaulted by bears.... Yeah, The Gastly Crumb Tinies. Edward Gorey. We're not too twisted.

conversational grunts

Uuuhhh....mmmm. Ffffft!

define twists and turns

No! Pigeons have holes, I do not.