Link Mania

My friend Joe D. is a piece of lint! Here is his sad story.

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Crocheting Adventures with Hyperbolic Planes by Dr. Daina Taimina
Afterthoughts of a Worm Hunter by David Crompton
Collectible Spoons of the Third Reich by James A. Yannes
Governing Lethal Behavior in Autonomous Robots by Ronald C. Arkin
The Changing World of Inflammatory Bowel Disease by Ellen Scherl and Marla Dubinsky
Baboon Metaphysics by Dorothy Cheney

These are real books, friends, and winners or runners-up in a contest for the "oddest titled book of the year" sponsored by TheBookseller.com. Note to self: write book. details

The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Way I Feel

Got an idea for a new short story, involving a lava lamp. Feeling creative. Stay tuned.... Did some homework tonight. Feel tired.... Getting a lot of wrong numbers and misdelivered snail mail recently. Feel like a mistake magnet.... "Reading" (listening to) a mystery novel about dictionary editors (The Broken Teaglass). Feel like I'm probably the only person on this planet who would enjoy a mystery story about dictionary editors.... Looking forward to seeing On the Waterfront at the Landmark Loew's Jersey Theatre this weekend. Can't believe I've never seen it....

Random Sequence

Scenario 3 (excerpt 7)

....and for a moment, the protagonist imagines his esophagus is a rubber tube, as he glances at the garden hose curving around the side of the patio, even as he chokes a bit on the ceviche while blathering wittily. His dabbling in sarcastic repartee is designed to unmask her vituperative, but hidden, attitudes. She gesticulates like a graceful dowager as she describes the absent host's hospitalization after his slapdash encounter with the antique replica. "Hallelujah!" cries an unnamed, obese guest, as he belly-flops into the pool -- a joyous leviathan. The protagonist becomes bored with her anecdote and finds himself staring at the empty birdcage inside the house through the open window -- and at a mysterious object on the table beyond it. A checkbook? A blood-stained checkbook? More guests arrive: a paraprofessional and a seminarian. Cheery suburban greetings all around. Then, quite suddenly, a black cumulonimbus obscures the sun....

Word of the Day: lagniappe

lagniappe (n)

A small gift presented to a customer with a purchase.

"Welcome to Burger World. May I take your order?" Sid said, mechanically.
"Yes, my child," said Nigel. "I would like one of those children's meals that includes a lagniappe, please."
Sid sighed and rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry," he said. "We don't serve Italian food here."
--Leahcim Setag, Strange Loops

It's funny about gifts. I really don't care much about receiving them anymore. If I want something in the nature of a physical object (within reason), I can usually get it for myself -- exactly the way I want it. Much better than relying on someone else's taste. I get more pleasure out of giving...not necessarily material things, but things like music files or information or recommendations. It's rarely reciprocated, but what the hell. Nobody gives Santa Claus anything, and he's a "right jolly old elf."

Quote of the Day: Living Transparently

"If you find yourself being one person online and on your blog, a different person with your college buddies, a different person with your parents, and another person with your work friends, are you asking yourself why? That's the question I've been asking lately, and it's yielded surprising results. It's made me start to realize: who cares? It takes baby steps, but it's easier than I thought to care less and less what people think of you and start living transparently. It doesn’t happen overnight. It won't be easy. It will sometimes be a struggle, especially for those of us who are accustomed to caring what everyone thinks. But transparency means finally being free to be you no matter what, it means you finally get to quit hiding and casting off the chains of what other people think - and it makes you a whole lot stronger. That is worth a little struggle."
--Nisha Chittal

I Don't Bite

Fear not. I'm full of sweet tea. Photo taken at the Bouckeville Antiques Fair, August 2007. Click for the close-up. Dare ya.

The T&T List

Mario Bava
coprophagia
aerobics
Dutch villages
morse code
Avraham Herzfeld
LaLonde report
heterophony
nucleotides
Arminianism
beer pong
Albert von Schrenck-Notzing
blood limes
9449 Petrbondy
Chepstow Castle
mesostics
Mikael Gath

Random Acts of Poetry

Psalm to the Sandman

All tribute to you, O capsule of sleep,
proconsul of the night!

Your mindless blank is praised above the stars
on the tongues of the worried, the disturbed.
You give power to foil their enemy,
the nerve-jangling wheel revolving endlessly.

When they are conscious of nothing, the work of your tablet,
the repose and the void you arrange,
when your warm shadow covers the mind,
each breath makes a calm wave on a far-away sea.

You have made them people in waiting,
suspended their memories in a dark sack,
given them power over daylight’s abrasions,
put all troubling things to rest.

All of them, saints and harridans,
yes, even the rulers of the earth,
men of the air, women of learning,
all that find their way to your respite,

give praise to your name, alchemical sandman,
the bestower of nothingness!

Word of the Day: clishmaclaver

clishmaclaver (n)

Casual talk or gossip.

"And now, Archie, if you'll hush your eternal clishmaclaver, we might get a little sleep against the morn's morn and our trip to London."
--Stanley David Porteus, The Restless Voyage

Let's see, do I know any good gossip? I know a friend (or ex-friend, actually) of my wyfe's is in jail in Kentucky, of all places. I know somebody who is currently on a "vision quest" in the Mojave Desert, according to a mutual friend (although I'm not sure the so-called quester would describe it that way). I know someone who's into S&M, big time, but doesn't know that I know.... I often know a lot more than people think I do. But I'll never tell.

Backbroke Valley

A woman sits down next to a cowboy in a saloon. She says, "Are you...a REAL cowboy?"

He replies: "Well, Ma'am, I brand calves, rope steers, mend fence, ride the range...think about cows a lot of the time...yep...reckon I'm a 'real' cowboy."

She says, "I'm a lesbian. I think about women all day, all evening, all the time...I think about making love with women."

They sat there sipping their beers. Then, a man walked in and sat on the other side of the cowboy.

He asks the cowboy, "Are you a REAL cowboy?"

The cowboy responds, "Well, I thought I was...but I just found out that I'm really a lesbian."

Sorry to Disappoint

I'm temporarily out of topics, so here are some recent Google search terms that brought some (probably) disgruntled souls to this benighted blahg:

Vitamin haiku

Oh, okay....

A, B, C, D, E
Should I buy all these tablets?
Real food has plenty

Ben Curtis nude home video

Ben Curtis is (was) the super-annoying "Dude, you're gettin' a Dell!" guy, from way back in the early 21st century. Why anyone wants to see this geek nude is beyond me, but I get this one a lot.

fight intp

It's a curse, I know, believe me, but you'd be better off making your peace with it. In your head, of course.

Hyperdimensional Oscillator

Try eBay.

dumbledore death drawing

Yeah, let's draw scenes from Hairy Plotter. We're not too obsessed....

Take thy face hence synecdoche

I'm impressed. "Take thy face hence" is actually a pretty good synecdoche for "scram".

philosofish restaurants

Hmm, a franchise opportunity? But I don't think my philosofish would taste very good. They might inspire some interesting dinner conversation, though.

Marilyn Chambers Outie Bellybutton

That's what you noticed? You're weird.

sergio maltagliati

I have no idea who he is, but I wish I had a poetic name like his.

is supercalifragilisticexpialidocious a real word

Yes. A silly one, but yes.

larry carlson sasquatch flash animation

Try here: http://larrycarlson.com/

narayan dutt shrimali scandal

I am SO sick of hearing about Nirayan Dutt Shrimali and his shady antics! Can't they talk about ANYTHING else on CNN?

'Here's looking at you, data point.'

Famous Movie Quotes represented graphically. Something is lost in translation, I fear.