Self Portrait

At 5 PM, December 11th 2003:

Wearing my winter jacket and logo-less baseball cap, I exit my building carrying a fluorescent-green laundry basket. Inside is an inflatable plastic flamingo (pink), with leis of multi-colored polyester flowers wound around its tubular neck. The basket also contains two bottles of champagne, a package of Hawaii Aloha Mix dried fruit, a fresh pineapple, two coconuts, paper "Happy New Year" napkins and plates, a bag of Mrs. Fields Macadamia Nut Premium cookies, Pepperidge Farm Goldfish and "Holiday Entertaining" crackers, Kraft Easy Cheese in a spray can, and a videocassette entitled Club Med Party Dances ("Learn your favorites!").

Outside, the wind is gusting at 40 miles per hour and the leis are whipping my face. I balance the 20-pound basket on one arm while I fumble for my car keys. I'm hoping the macho guys who hang out in front of the plumbing supply store down the street aren't watching as I load this flamboyant assemblage into the car, but it appears they've all left for the day.

I drive away thinking about how much my wife likes making holiday gift baskets for her friends--and how easy it is for her to cajole me into delivering them.