Much Ado about NOTHING

I have a strange affliction, left over from childhood. It is not life-threatening, or even painful, but it often prevents me from relaxing and keeps me awake at night.

I refer, of course, to ants in the pants.

Symptoms: inability to sit still for long periods, frequent pacing, racing thoughts, sudden bursts of energy when it should be bed-time.

The cause? An overly stimulating yet curiously enigmatic environment and too much caffeine.

Yes, I'm over-caffeinated, and I should probably drink less coffee. Five mugs a day may be too much. But it does give me a frequent excuse to get up and micturate (look that one up), which alleviates some of the sitting-still problem.

The cure? Deep breaths. A glass of wine (but not too often). Meditation. Weed, I suppose, if I was that sort; no offense.

Really, it would help if I could stop thinking so much and be more of vegetable. Writing here helps, too. My blog. My mental enema.

(Above is a picture I took of an apple that fell off our tree in the backyard and got nibbled by squirrels and ants. Click for a larger version. You know you want to.)