The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Way I Feel

(or felt)

Surreal: I had lunch today with a leprechaun... or a guy dressed as one (see March 11 below). Walking through the streets of Newark, New Jersey, with a leprechaun makes one appreciate one's everyday anonymity.

Paranoid: Man and woman (clearly not a "couple" couple) who keep glancing at me on the 8:45 LR train but pretending not to: whoever you think I am, I'm not him.

Peeved: at my neighbors who keep dumping their pre-digital TV sets and cathode-tube computer monitors out on the street, expecting the garbage men to pick them up. They can't, chuckleheads. That's hazmat. That's why it's still sitting there three days later, waiting for you to send it to a Chinese landfill.