Random Sequence

[random phrases (from here) worked into a story]

Snafu Flamenco

Bartholomew Billingsworth, an actor of some repute, was sitting in his dressing room, dressed in what he considered the limiest waistcoat and the droopiest periwig ever constructed for an 18th century period drama -- or comedy/fantasy. He still wasn't quite sure what this play was. "Why, or why, did I accept this part?" he thought. The "postmodern" script (written in wobbly blank verse -- a sort of iambic whoosh) was terrible, and the nearly bankrupt theater had insisted that he accept a percentage of the proceeds, rather than a salary, for however long this little theatrical event lasted. Which wouldn't be long, he suspected. But he had rent to pay and no TV assignments had come along recently.

The character he was playing was absurd: a lower-court judge with ESP, an extrasensory ancillary to the justice system who had to keep his abilities a secret for fear of being accused of witchcraft. He was required to alternately express ditsy uncertainty in his "suspicions" about the criminals on trial and freakish sapience about the real perpetrators of the crimes to the lawyers involved. Transmissible prognostication, combined with eccentric flightiness, was hard to pull off. It was a difficult dance that was likely to result in a snafu flamenco, he feared.

Opening night was at hand. The stage manager informed him that Caleb Crotchley, the misanthropic theatre critic for the Herald, was in the front row. Yikes, he thought. But at least Crotchley owed him one -- or more than one. He'd ghost-written several columns on deadline for Crotchley when the critic was too intoxicated or hung-over to type. No matter how bad the play was, his performance would probably get praised or at least a pass.

As he stepped out onto the stage and began to recite his first lines, he couldn't help looking at Crotchley, who smiled crookedly, looking utterly inebriated. With any luck, Bartholomew realized, he'd be writing the review himself that evening. 

[not to be continued]