Much Ado about NOTHING

Jungle Fever

I feel like I'm living in a jungle, and I don't mean the urban jungle. The "garden" in my backyard is an out-of-control weed festival. Grass and weeds are sprouting like cowlicks between the seams in the sidewalk out front. An ugly little tree-like thing was growing out of a crack in the concrete in front of the abandoned house next door -- so hideous that I finally took some clippers and hacked it down last weekend. (The stalk bled some white pus-like goo. What is that stuff?) Then I attacked some overgrown bushes in my backyard that were trespassing on the walkway from our so-called patio to the patch of grass that we laughingly call our lawn. A machete would have come in handy.

I blame this glut of greenery on the steamy summer we're having here in the Northern Hemisphere, which has made our fair city a perfect hothouse for every sort of unwanted vine and creeper. I've had enough of it. I've ordered an electric weed whacker, which should arrive via UPS tomorrow. All of this burgeoning brush will come to fear me.