Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Head Rattle

I.

Strange hoops: My wyfe recently started taking an exercise class that involves hula-hooping. I had forgotten that hula hoops still existed, but okay.... except that she practices at home sometimes, along with a DVD of vacuous-looking women twirling their hula hoops to some synthetic-sounding disco/lounge music. (Come to think of it, is there any non-synthetic disco/lounge music?) That would be tolerable, I suppose, except that the exercises don't just involve whirling a hoop around one's waist. They also require twirling one around one's arm -- which means the hoops are apt to go flying off around the room at certain critical points. I'm learning to duck.

II.

The New York Times, in its infinite wisdom, is now reducing the number of free articles that someone can peruse online from 20 per month to 10 before their toll booth pops up. You're then blocked from reading another thumb-sucker about whether or not America is divided or if a "sense of wonder" is lost because Encyclopedia Britannica is no longer publishing itself in print. We have a subscription to the Times at work, so it's not that much of a problem if I really want to read something. I prefer to read about East Timor at home on my couch, though.

III.

The checkout girl who flirts with me at Stop 'n' shop told me I owed $18.24 for my groceries, then quipped that she thought maybe something happened in that year -- meaning 1824. "Some revolution?" I said, stupidly. Later, I thought I should look it up. No revolution, but the "Chumash Revolt" took place in that year, against the Spanish presence in the Californias. (You remember the Chumash Revolt, don't you?) That same year, Simón Bolívar was proclaimed dictator of Peru. Symphony No. 9 premiered in Vienna. And Joseph Aspdin patented Portland Cement. So, if I buy the same comestibles this coming week, she'll ring up $18.24 again, and I'll be prepared to mention Chumash. "Aisle seven," someone will say.

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