Sorry to Disappoint

Below are search terms that recently brought seekers to this font of wisdom. Most of them probably went away disappointed. So sorry about that.

Zen for dummies

There's probably a book with that title that you can buy from [there's a river in Brazil], but zen is really very simple, simple enough to reduce to a sentence:

"There is more than one path up the mountain."

Or, if you prefer:

"There is always something wrong with everything."

The nude woman as pataphysical object

Joan was quizzical, but not nude, as far as I know. Anyway, pataphysics is pseudo and a parody of metaphysics, which is the study of fundamental nature and being. And, come to think of it, not much is more fundamental than a nude woman. I don't believe I've ever expounded on this particular topic, however.

PM ejulation

To "ejulate" is to (no, not that!) wail or lament. I guess PM ejulation is just the nighttime variety. Dark night of the soul? Bright morning of the soul just doesn't have the same ring to it. And there usually isn't enough accumulated conneries yet to inspire ejulation in the morning. Is there?

Antique mugshots

Refers to this. The patina of yesteryear gives even a lowly mugshot the romantic aura of a Vermeer. (That's my ace bullshit generator at work.)

Nicky Nacky Nue

Please tell me I never used this phrase.