The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Way I Feel

Sick(ish). I've got a slight sore throat and a bit of a sniffle. I can't tell if I'm coming down with a cold or if it's just spring hay fever. The good news about this: I postponed my root canal.

Frustrated. I've got this corny 1980s pop song, which I heard while spinning the radio dial, stuck in my head. At odd, preoccupied moments, I catch myself humming it. I won't say what the song is, because I actually hate it and am too embarrassed to reveal the title.

Transitional. It's time to break out the short sleeved shirts, the thermometer says. Usually I wait till June, but global warming seems to have altered my sartorial schedule this year.

Smooth. I only shave every two or three days lately, what with the stubble look being so "in" now. (It must be driving the razor blade, aftershave, and shaving-cream companies crazy.) And who wants to bother with it? Last night I shaved, though, and felt good about it. When your face feels like sandpaper, you tend to rub it too much, and germs from your hands then get transferred to your mouth, which can make you sick. (See numero uno above.)

Caffeinated. I drank five mugs of coffee today. That's excessive, but it keeps me going when I'm feeling a tad rundown. It keeps me running to the office restroom, too, which is a good thing, since moving around is better than sitting for hours on end. You sometimes have interesting or comical manly chit chats over the sinks in the restroom, too. However, I frown upon the recent phenomenon I've observed of men who talk on the phone while peeing. Don't do business while doing your business, I say.