Photo of the Week

Dry skin? Sandpaper complexion? "Tree bark" countenance?

Help is here! Advanced Healing Heavy-Duty Valvo-Sheen Lotion provides an immediate explosion of super-viscosity moisturizers that continue for 72 hours. After just one use, the buttery, super-lube petroleum formula, containing bacon-grease additives and corrosion inhibitors, lubricates bone-dry facial scales and fills in pachydermatous skin cracks. In one week, it will even kill pesky termites. And by the time you finish the bottle, your embarrasing "alligator" skin becomes slippery as a greased pig on ice. Can also be used as a WD-40 or Astroglide alternative, or as a multiviscosity motor oil.

Add it to your skin-care routine to:
• Restore rubbery elasticity to your "Kalahari" complexion
• Smooth away embarassing "rhino" hide

Available at Rite-Aid, CVS, and AutoZone.

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Click the photo; examine the grain. (Please -- no cracks about her "wooden" expression.)