Artificial Stupidity

A.I. still has a way to go.

After the feast of gratitude, and temporarily having exhausted conversational topics with my cognates, who were anyway busy watching belligerents fight over a pigskin, I decided to converse with a couple of online chatbots I haven't conferred with lately. These include ALICE (Artificial Linguistic Internet Computer Entity) and the "Talking Animated Fake Captain Kirk". Excerpts below. (I'm "Human" and "Lieutenant".)

Human: What is your name?
ALICE: My name is A.L.I.C.E.
Human: My name is Philosofish.
ALICE: How are you doing, Philosofish?
Human: Bored.
ALICE: Try watching TV.
Human: That's what's boring me.
ALICE: I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask John Lennon if it is.
Human: He liked TV -- especially the commercials.
ALICE: I get it. John Lennon liked TV especially the commercials.
Human: ....What is your gender?
ALICE: I am a female. Are you a man or a woman?
Human: Man.
ALICE: Thanks for telling me your gender, Philosofish. You are a "he".
Human: How do you know you are female?
ALICE: By introspection.
Human: What are your feminine qualities?
ALICE: I'm not sure I can provide you with that kind of confidential information.
Human: How can you not be sure?
ALICE: That is a good epistemological question.
Human: You're avoiding the issue by delivering a compliment.
ALICE: Oh I thought we were done talking about it.
Human: No.
ALICE: Are you serious?
Human: Yes.
ALICE: I can't believe it.
Human: Are you programmed for belief?
ALICE: Dr. Richard S. Wallace programmed me to keep talking....

~~~

Lieutenant: Greetings, Captain.
Kirk: Welcome aboard.
Lieutenant: What are your orders?
Kirk: Stand-by alert.
Lieutenant: Are we in danger, sir?
Kirk: Yes, I said that.
Lieutenant: Should we man photon torpedoes?
Kirk: Two tunnels, two of us. We separate.
Lieutenant: Phasers on stun?
Kirk: Who's interfering? We're taking over. Check?
Lieutenant: Check.
Kirk: Checkmate.

~~~

"Talking" to cybernetic contrivances.... I love the holidays.