Much Ado about ZIP

Albert Einstein, according to legend, said "the zipper" when asked for his opinion on the greatest invention of the 20th century. And indeed, the little metallic clothes fastener is a small miracle of ingenuity. Today, we take them for granted, except perhaps when someone whispers to us that our fly is open or when one of our zippers jams. The latter happened to me recently. I zipped my spring jacket as I was preparing to exit my place of business, and noticed that something felt not quite right. Instead of making a high-pitched whine of a zipping sound, as it usually does, my zipper made more of a growl and seemed to move up my torso with an odd degree of reluctance. I looked down, and, sure enough, the tiny alligator teeth were not in alignment. When I tried to unzip, to see if I could start over and get things back on track, the little devil would not budge. Well, I thought, I won't need to remove the jacket anyway until I get home. But I was annoyed at the lack of that option. I started to feel like I was wearing a straitjacket.

When I arrived home, I tried again to free myself from the garment, to no avail. I did manage to unzip it part of the way, enough to pull the jacket off using the over-the-head method. Houdini! Then began the search for a solution, since I like the jacket and didn't want to discard it. Googling turned up several "how to" articles full of both sympathy and practical advice. Most suggested applying various emollients to the teeth: bar soap, pencil graphite, WD-40. I tried all three, and then a combination of the three. The alligator refused to open its jaws. Finally, after an hour of gentle back and forth pulling, mixed with periods of brute force, the thing came undone. I felt an absurd air of triumph as I hung the now-open jacket on its hook. And then an awful thought occurred to me: I will forever after be afraid to zip it up again.